Now that there were two, it meant 4 babies under the age of 14 months plus of course our older two Lily and Jett. It meant buying a full size van, a quadruple stroller and hiring a nanny because it would not be physically possible for me to feed infant twins and care for Oliver and Ruby, pick up Lily and Jett from school, take them to soccer, track and piano. Plus of course help them with homework and oh yeah, spend anytime with them without loosing my mind!
It was a lot, it was more than a lot, it was too much and we both knew in our hearts it was not the best choice for anyone.
It broke our hearts. This was Oliver and Ruby's brother and sister, we wished so badly that things were different and we could take them home. But as we prayed throughout the week we asked God to be clear about His will and if there were any red flags we would know without a doubt what was best for these precious babies.
After talking with our social worker we knew that there were several families that were waiting for babies and were PRAYING for babies and would be over the moon excited to adopt these sweet twins.
Then, the nurse came in with a big happy grin telling us that it was A BOY AND A GIRL and they were healthy and big and ready for us to come and see them!
Before we walked into the NICU Jarrod and I stopped and prayed again, we asked God to show us clearly if these were our babies or not, we were OK with whatever He had for us.
We walked in to see those precious sweet healthy babies and when I saw them I instantly loved them so much but I knew without a doubt that they were not our babies, that God had another plan for them. Jarrod knew it too.
It made us sad but there again, was a sense of peace that this was a part of God's plan.
We went home that night and we were sad, we were grieving the fact that we thought we were bringing home one baby and now we were not. And we were sad that we had to say no to adopting these precious twins. I was also dreading having to tell our birth mama the next day.
When I woke up on Saturday morning I had a good long cry and went back up to the hospital to check on everyone. I asked God to give me the words to tell our birth mama that we would not be able to adopt the new twins.
I went to her hospital room and mustered up the courage to tell her what we had decided. I cried and shared my heart, I told her how I didn't feel like it would be the best choice for our children or the new twins for us to try and take on all 4 babies. I told her I loved her and loved Oliver and Ruby and I already loved the new babies and wanted the very best for them.
She told me that, she completely understood and that she considered us her family and that she was so thankful for our kind hearts and that we pray and seek God in all our decisions. We ended up crying and talking for hours and it was just so incredibly amazing.
Then she asked me if I would help her choose a family for the new twins. I told her I would be so honored to help her do that. Again God knew, I needed to be there that day.
It was pretty surreal reading family profiles and looking at families photo books just a year after we had turned in our own. I silently prayed as I read the profiles that God would make it clear to us which family the babies belonged too.
We instantly agreed on a family, they were perfect and I was excited again. I remember how life changing our phone call was 13 months ago and I knew this was their day, a day they would never forget!
This sweet couple had experienced heartache as they waited for a baby and now they were getting two! God answered so many prayers that day, he answered their prayer for a baby and doubled it (:
He answered our prayer for clear direction and peace with whatever the outcome.
Our birth mama asked us to be there when they arrived so that they could meet Oliver and Ruby the BIG brother and sister, believe it or not! We were so thankful to be able to meet them and see what a loving family they were. They agreed that they would love for the new babies to know us and Oliver and Ruby and we already have summer BBQ's planned!
God carried us through, he gave us constant peace amidst the storm and our faith is stronger because of it. It is all as it should be. We are thrilled for this new family that was created this weekend and our bond with Oliver and Ruby's birth mama is so much stronger.
We serve a loving God.
Every hard moment this week was worth it.
I wish you could see their smiling faces, but this will have to do for now. God is good!
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